What a week

If you haven't noticed, I have a posting schedule. 

It's Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday. Or maybe Sunday.

Memorial day kind of threw a wrench in that. 

SO, here's what happened Memorial Day weekend- in pictures of course! 

Oh, and a little from the week as well

I attended my baby cousin's ballet recital! It was absolutely awesome to watch all of the girls. There were girls between the ages of like 3-16. It was cool to see girls of all different shapes and sizes!

Not my cousin, but this was so cute I just had to. 

And uh, how could you NOT get a foodie family together and make delicious food!?

We had a major dumpling-making party on Saturday. Vegetarian and pork!

The vegetarian ones were out of this woooorld. I've had them before but I'd never liked them. I don't know why I do now but..man. Awesome. 

Hydration of choice throughout the weekend: MiO or however you do the different drop caps. 

Along with some Polar cranberry lime seltzer. 

One of the bars I got from my first ever WF trips {scroll down for more}

Tastes JUST like an oatmeal cookie- I'm really sad they don't sell it around me!

Silly cousins!

On Sunday, we went and watched another cousin's baseball game. My Dad & I lost interest fairly quickly though, so we went off to explore. We ran across this GORGEOUS waterfall! It was fun to play with my camera for the pictures too :)

Photo op!

Oh and of course the randoms as well ~

My computer this weekend- it just kept fuzzing out! That's pretty much why I was so absent.

Thank goodness my stepdad fixed it, or else I'd be going through withdrawls. 

So...my FIRST TRIP to Whole Foods and Trader Joe's!

I was like a little lost kid in a candy store- there was just SO. MUCH. to look at! 

Unfortunately my Dad ended up flip flopping with me to pay- so I had to pay for WF while he payed for TJ's! Figures. So I kept my purchase pretty low key. 

From Whole Foods: Larabar Jocolat bar, Back to Nature Sweet Potato Cinnamon crackers, Clif Maple Nut & Apricot bars, Clif Kids Oatmeal Raisin Cookie Bar, Clif Mojo Dipped Chocolate Peanut and Smores, Snackamals, and a Chocolove Pretzels in Milk Chocolate bar. 

From Trader Joes: Low Carb Whole Wheat Tortillas, Dark Chocolate Sea Salt almonds, and unpictured tandoori naan. 

The best thing to happen ever. 

BUT WAIT.

When they go in the fridge- they're even better!

I think I mentioned a while ago I put in to get a sort of volunteer/internship type thing at the local hospital. There were 70 people who applied and only 30 slots.

I MADE IT!!

I'm SO excited! I get to go to orientation on June 20th, so until then, I'm kind of in the dark. 

I put in the application last year when I wanted to work in a hospital {doing pediatric medicine} but now my "focus" has changed {to, uh, dietetics} but I'm still really interested in learning!

And because I can't end without a food pic, I had my first quesidilla in years for the past 2 days.

Only one word:

AWESOME!

This weekend's agenda?

SCONES! 

Have a great weekend!

WIAW- Why I don't want you to call me a healthy living blogger

{thanks Jenn, for hosting all of us on your site. And for letting me rant}
There are multiple reasons why I'm not a healthy living blogger. Sure, I like eating healthful foods and I run in the same blogging "circuit."But if you were to really take a look at me, you'd see why I'm not really a healthy living blogger. 
I'm not a healthy living blogger because... I don't eat a typically "big" breakfast. I have a set number of exchanges I allow for breakfast, and typically stick to them. I normally save my exchanges for nightime so I don't end up binging. 

{Clif Mojo S'mores Dipped bar, and greek yogurt with strawberries and cinnamon} 

I'm not a healthy living blogger because... I don't typically incorporate variety. 

Also, I eat chocolate for lunch. 

I eat a lot more than the RDA of sugar

{Clif Mojo Chocolate Peanut Dipped bar, greek yogurt with chocolate chips, and an apple}

I'm not a healthy living blogger because...I eat a lot of bad stuff. A lot.

Today was 3 diet sodas between 12-5 pm...not even a PR, either.

Oh, and I'm not a healthy living blogger because... I ate basically an entire pack of gum, 1/2 a donut, and random fistfuls of triscuits for a snack.

Yum.

I'm not a healthy living blogger because... I used a bottled dressing in place of making my own..and my tomato sauce for my bowl of spaghetti had HFCS in it.

{Which I usually try and avoid, but the only other sauce we had was meat sauce}

{green salad and celery with rasberry piquadillo dressing, and a bowl of ww fettucine with pasta sauce, garlic, salt, and Parmesan cheese in the back}

 I'm not a healthy living blogger because.. I ate a HERSHEY'S bar for dessert. Yes, Hershey! I'm going to die from all the weird additives and non-organic ingredients, I know!

But it was delicious.

I'm not a healthy living blogger because.. I often eat when I'm not hungry. Oh, and I like artifically flavored, aspartame-laden yogurt sometimes.

I do like peaches though.

But most of all, I'm not a healthy living blogger because...I'm not healthy.

I think a lot of recovery bloggers who get swept up into the HLB platform aren't doing a very good job- they're promoting their low-weights and restrictions as "healthy", and readers who look up to these bloggers get the idea this is healthy when it's definitely not.

Of course, one person's healthy is different than the other's {for example, my mother thinks I eat like a raw foodist, yet I'm sure there's someone out there who is convulsing from how "unclean" my eats are}, but artificially underweight, like I am, is not healthy. 

So just remember that. 

Oh, and sorry for all the really bad photography. I was determined to get everything I ate today, dark skies or time be darned. 

Have a great Wednesday...and horray for the end of school! This is my last school-day Wednesday.

In light of ending so soon, I'll just leave you with..

take the time to observe the world around you today, you'll never know what you may miss if you don't! 

The best new bar

It's no secret I love Greek yogurt..

How could I not? It's packed with protein, a modest amount of calcium, and some other great nutrients as well. It's delicious and creamy and lends itself extremely well to either sweet or savory snacks!

But sometimes, just spooning it out of tub can get a little monotonous.

So when I saw mention of Ricklad's Orchard Greek Yogurt Bars, I just had to jump in a try some!

The nice people hooked me up with two delicious bars- apple and honey & cranberry almond!

First up is the apple and honey

Rickland's orchards apples & honey bar

 This bar included honey roasted granola, almonds, soy rice crisps, dried apples, honey, cinnamon, and a Greek yogurt bottom.

Ricklan'ds Orchard apples & honey bar

This was absolutely delcious! The flavor was very similar to those apple and cinnamon nutrigrain bars you can buy! The apple and almond pieces were plentyful, the almonds providing a crunchy sensation, with the apples heading the chewy movement.

And the coating was absolutely amazing! It tasted better than those yogurt coatings you can get with store granola bars. It was sweet and light. Almost like icing!

Next up was the cranberry  & almond.

Rickland Orchard's cranberry almond bar

It's described as having honey roasted granola, almonds, soy rice crisps, dried cranberries, and a Greek yogurt bottom.

This one was definitely my favorite of the two bars.. The cranberries themselves were tart, but the sweetness of the bar really balanced it all out. What goes for the previous bar also goes for this one- the cranberries provide a great chewy texture while the large almond pieces provide the amazing crunch texture! 

If you seem to be stuck in the 1-3 year old stage of eating (needing contrasting textures) like I apparently am, you will absolutely love this!

Not only do the bars taste amazing- they're great for you too! The entire 40g bar contains only 160 calories, 6g fat, and 22g of carbohydrates. It comes with 7g of protein as well! 

Not to mention you're getting good probiotics, iron, and calcium as well!

Thank you so much to the folks at Rickland's for letting me sample these amazing bars! If you're interested in ordering some for yourself or just want to find out more, you can check out their website here.

The big reveal

Tell me if you've ever been in this situation:

You're with friends, and something unfavorable gets partially revealed about you. You quickly try to quash the revelation- only to have your friends constantly badger you about what exactly your hiding. The problem is- it's not all that important. So now, by not revealing the secret, you've hyped up something ridiculously insignificant.

Kind of how I'm feeling at the moment. 

I've alluded to a no-good, terrible bad day almost every single time I've written online, be it Twitter or right here on this blog. 

See this is the problem with being a teenager. Every single dramatic moment is worthy of either moving, crying, hiding in your room or never coming out...

or all three. 

So sometimes I'm not sure what to share on the blog and what to keep inside, ridiculed by my angst. 

However, I felt it was perhaps important to share this, because it's tied into my eating and basically my feelings. 

If you've read my blog for some time, you've probably recognized I have a specific "group" of friends. 

It doesn't matter who is who. It doesn't matter what they look like.

What matters is that they don't really "exist" anymore. In a purely metaphorical sense, of course. They're still all very much alive. 

We had a bit of a blowout the other day, and things got kind of nasty. 

I'll be honest and say I'm not known for being level-headed or kind when it comes to fight. I'm pretty nasty and spiteful, actually.

But we all have our own tragic flaw, don't we? 

I particularly got into it badly with one of the girls, whom I basically considered to be my best friend. 

What was said doesn't matter now, but she won't speak to me.
Things are positively frigid between us. 

So now, I'm left basically without a friend. 

No, not in the dramatic "omg no one liiiikes me!" sense that most teenagers claim.

No, literally. There is only one single (physical) person with whom I can laugh with, whom I can go to the movies with, whom I can trust.

And it sucks. 

I would normally chalk it up to hormones with the amount of sadness this has caused me. But there is literal crying-at-all-hours going on. It feels like someone has wrenched open a hole inside of me. All I want to do is get in bed and never come out. I'm trying to convince my parents to let me move. 

I just feel so damn lonely. 

Throughout all of this, my body image and self confidence has gone from zero to -40. It is just way too easy to tie it all together with a neat bow and draw the lines and assume they don't like me anymore because I gained weight. 

I know this is a complete fallacy though- they don't like me because I was mean to them. 

I didn't used to be such a raging bitch- only after I developed anorexia. It's strange. I don't have patience or empathy for regular people anymore. One of my friends was going through some serious crap and rather than trying to help her, I yelled at her for her actions and chose to shun her. 

What this has also shown me is how isolated I've become because of my disorder. I don't like going out with my friends, because I'm just..scared. 

I was pseudo-diagnosed with social anxiety while in inpatient, but I kind of brushed it off because an art therapist said it after I drew a flashy hat because I'd want to "be noticed" if I could do it all over again. 

Brandywine had so many problems I can't even begin, but that's a story for another day. 

It makes a wee bit of sense though, if you look at the symptoms. Yes, it's normal to be shy, but I'm absolutely terrified of some social situations. Talking to an authority figure? Absolutely not. Speaking on the phone? Maybe when hell freezes over. 

Obviously I'm not trying to classify myself as socially anxious- I know there are people out there who struggle with even just talking with others. 

But what I'm getting at is that my anorexia, while in remission, is beginning to really drive away friends. I'm not really sure how to fix that though.

Until I can figure it out, I'll just go lay in my bed, with the covers over my head, hoping I don't offend anyone else. 

I guess the only thing I can really say is:

I'm sorry. 

WIAW

This is a "crawl in bed and don't come out" kind of day.The day I wish that, instead of crawling in, I had just never come out. 
How do I solve these problems?Food, duh.

Yummy. 

Here's to a better day tomorrow.

{P.s.- Sorry for the cryptic and crappy post. I promise I'll have a wall o' text explanation Friday}

Silent snapshots- weekend edition

And 3 things: {so not completely silent}

1. I turned off word-verification. I'm sorry! So sorry! I never realized it was on. I know how much of a pain in the ass word verification is. So now hopefully you won't have to deal with it!

2. I'm currently dealing with a broken computer that has lines through the screen. So if my, well, anything looks bad- that's why!

3. This weekend I'll be in Amherst, MA, and I'm going to lose my Whole Foods/TJ virginity. Is there anything I must check out? Specifically TJ's... I know nothing about it!

Have a great Monday!